Ford Ranger Forum - Forums for Ford Ranger enthusiasts!

My mom sent this to me and found it quite funny, thought I would share.

> Oil Change instructions for Women:
>
> 1. Pull up to GM Dealership when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles
> since the last oil change.
>
> 2. Drink a cup of coffee.
>
> 3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, driving a properly
> maintained vehicle.
>
>
> Money spent:
>
> Oil Change:$24.00
>
> Coffee: Complementary
>
> TOTAL: $24.00
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
> 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
> oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree,and use
> your debit card for $50.00.
>
> 2. Stop by Beer Store and buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.
>
> 3. Open a beer and drink it.
>
> 4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>
> 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>
> 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
>
> 7. Place drain pan under engine.
>
> 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
>
> 9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
>
> 10. Unscrew drain plug.
>
> 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
> process. Cuss.
>
> 12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
> Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
>
> 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
>
> 14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
>
> 15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver through oil
> filter and twist off..
>
> 16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter splashing
> oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash
> in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
>
> 17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
> to gasket surface.
>
> 18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>
> 19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
>
> 20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>
> 21. Drink beer.
>
> 22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
> Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
>
> 23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
>
> 24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
> oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
> tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
> skin between knuckles and frame.
>
> 25. Begin cussing fit.
>
> 26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
>
> 27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck and left
> dent.
>
> 28. Beer.
>
> 29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
>
> 30. Beer.
>
> 31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>
> 32. Beer.
>
> 33. Lower truck from jack stands.
>
> 34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> during any missed steps.
>
> 35. Beer.
>
> 36. Test drive truck.
>
> 37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
>
> 38. truck gets impounded.
>
> 39. Call loving wife, make bail.
>
> 40. 12 hours later, get truck from impound yard.
>
>
> Money spent:
>
> Parts: $50.00
>
> DUI: $2,500.00
>
> Impound fee: $75.00
>
> Bail: $1,500.00
>
> Beer: $20.00
>
> TOTAL: $4,145.00
>
> But you know the job was done right!