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  #1  
Old 02-17-2011, 07:52 AM
WearyTraveler WearyTraveler is offline
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Default Rules for Dating My Daughter...

I saw this on a different forum and figured some of you would get a kick out of it.

Rules for Dating My Daughter...

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early, sir."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car.

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:

* Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
* Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
* Places where there is darkness.
* Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
* Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
* Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
* Hockey games are okay; Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a variety of assault rifles, shotguns, pistols, shovels, a backhoe and 640 acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Chu Lai. When my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car slowly with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

You are dismissed! Have a wonderful date with my daughter.
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  #2  
Old 02-17-2011, 07:58 AM
Rangerman88 Rangerman88 is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

Haha
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  #3  
Old 02-17-2011, 07:59 AM
sgtsandman sgtsandman is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

I love this one. I've even printed out and given a copy of it to my daughter. She didn't see the humor in it though...
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  #4  
Old 02-17-2011, 08:05 AM
dixie_boysles dixie_boysles is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

ha if some parents only knew lol.

Im sure they know, they were teens once too, but we got away with alot!
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  #5  
Old 02-17-2011, 08:44 AM
FordDude1991 FordDude1991 is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

and he has to drive a ranger! lol
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  #6  
Old 02-17-2011, 08:55 AM
Dcrymes99ranger Dcrymes99ranger is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

I know this is a joke. But me and that guy wouldn't get along.
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  #7  
Old 02-17-2011, 09:21 AM
merlin215 merlin215 is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

I love it . Copying it now

I think a space on the bottom for a signature is a good idea too !
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  #8  
Old 02-17-2011, 09:29 AM
dixie_boysles dixie_boysles is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dcrymes99ranger View Post
I know this is a joke. But me and that guy wouldn't get along.
yeah id probably tell him to **** off. i know how to treat a woman. his daughter or not
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Sold/Totaled: 2006 Ranger XLT 2D SuperCap 4x4 Torch Red
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  #9  
Old 02-17-2011, 09:30 AM
Fordzilla80 Fordzilla80 is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

I actually abide by almost every last one of them, except for holding hands and where we shouldn't go.

I always treat the gf's father as I would like to be treated should I be in his shoes.

Except unlike my gf's father, I won't threaten the gun, I will have it in my hand waiting.
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  #10  
Old 02-17-2011, 10:46 AM
zx6rrdan zx6rrdan is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dcrymes99ranger View Post
I know this is a joke. But me and that guy wouldn't get along.
Yeah neither would that guy and his daughter.
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  #11  
Old 02-17-2011, 04:10 PM
schultzkenneth schultzkenneth is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

and THIS is one reason why i'm scared to ask a girl on a date!! LOL
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  #12  
Old 02-17-2011, 04:13 PM
Fordzilla80 Fordzilla80 is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

Quote:
Originally Posted by schultzkenneth View Post
and THIS is one reason why i'm scared to ask a girl on a date!! LOL
3/4 of dads feel this way, but don't actually act upon it. I'm proud to say I will be a member of the other 1/4 percent who produce the audible "ch-ch" when the boyfriend rings the door bell.
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  #13  
Old 02-17-2011, 04:24 PM
pooleo pooleo is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

I like rule #4.

I dread the day both my daughters will be at this age.......maybe they'll turn out to be lezboes....?! hahahahaha LOL
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  #14  
Old 02-17-2011, 04:26 PM
01_ranger_4x4 01_ranger_4x4 is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

i have a feeling i will be that dad. my daughter will be born in may, i have already started stocking up on ammo and ski masks. lol
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  #15  
Old 02-17-2011, 04:33 PM
TurdFX4 TurdFX4 is offline
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Default Re: Rules for Dating My Daughter...

He forgot one, "I'm not afraid to go back to prison"
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