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  #1  
Old 01-15-2012, 12:18 PM
bikerboy bikerboy is offline
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Default 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

Found this on another site.


I borrowed my girlfriend's Geo Metro last night; One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of Metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise...

I was headed back from Starbucks with my manly triple-latte Cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.

I turned, made eye contact, then I let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva -- a late 80's model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and school bus-yellow paint. A hot rod, for sure. The howl of his motor snapped me from my reverie. I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *darn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders...

Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke poured from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth...

He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust...Maybe even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction...

Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the
intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now
going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 1" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo Ease onto its bumpstops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner and around the Festiva.

The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my girlfriend's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/60R13's screaming in protest as we raced to the next light. We coasted down neck-and neck to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when the WIMP in the next car
meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (err, Suzuki) superiority reigns!!!

I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, Looking for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagen Vanagon!
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  #2  
Old 01-15-2012, 12:25 PM
shizzle8787 shizzle8787 is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

lol funny!!!
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  #3  
Old 01-15-2012, 12:35 PM
01_ranger_4x4 01_ranger_4x4 is offline
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Ha ha


Sent from my iPhone 4S using Tapatalk
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  #4  
Old 01-15-2012, 01:06 PM
Skylark65 Skylark65 is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

lol, that's great.

my dad actually had a '93 geo metro wagon when i was a kid. the original engine & auto trans blew at the same time trying to hold 50 MPH on the highway, lol, but we didin't have anything else to drive at the time, so we wound up swapping a 5 speed stick and a turbo'd 3cyl out of a sazuki swift into it. that car went from having a 50 MPH top speed to 110+ MPH top speed, had limited slip & would smoke both the 13in tires through 3rd, lol . had to replace the donut-sized clutch about every other month, couldin't handle the stress. but boy that little car could move, it was funny as hell.
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  #5  
Old 04-14-2012, 12:47 AM
JUSTA40RANGER JUSTA40RANGER is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

Best Story i have ever read!!!!!! it was so intese i was so sure you were going faster then 15 MPH!
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  #6  
Old 04-14-2012, 01:10 AM
thingadmin thingadmin is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

12

Last edited by thingadmin; 05-17-2012 at 08:56 AM.
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  #7  
Old 04-18-2012, 05:13 PM
justinlogue5_0 justinlogue5_0 is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

Now that is funny!
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  #8  
Old 04-18-2012, 06:22 PM
nicktheman2013 nicktheman2013 is offline
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Unlimited slip diff LMFAO. haha one wheel wonder. Reminds me to make sure people are facing the right side of my truck when I wanna act hard lmao.
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  #9  
Old 04-18-2012, 06:42 PM
austinranger85 austinranger85 is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

That was a pleasant read, very funny! My dad had a 90 Metro he used for his work vehicle, I don't know how many miles he put on it before he sold it but it was a really reliable car, I don't remember it ever breaking down.
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  #10  
Old 04-18-2012, 07:30 PM
Chumpy_1965 Chumpy_1965 is offline
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Awesome story!!!
My ex step-mom had a new (at time) '06 Chevy 4x4 v8 350, that lost power steering pump at 500 miles and they gave her a Geo Metro for a loaner. We all decided to go to the lake about 80 mile trip one way, they piled into my dads f150 and me and my cousin drove the Geo. we hit the toll booth at same time and we took off and it took my dad slowing down and me flooring it to get to 65 mph in 2 miles to get back together for the rest the trip! Biggest 3 cyl. Pos , but with gas prices I'd drive one again, great mpg cars!
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  #11  
Old 04-19-2012, 08:49 AM
Merlin840 Merlin840 is offline
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Epic read!! Love it.
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  #12  
Old 04-19-2012, 09:11 AM
quackaholic quackaholic is offline
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That was the greatest thing iv ever read on this site to date.
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  #13  
Old 04-20-2012, 01:50 PM
richarddhoward richarddhoward is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

Lmao!
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  #14  
Old 04-26-2012, 01:30 PM
MikeC. MikeC. is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

Now that, was some brill writing, if I do say so myself...
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  #15  
Old 04-26-2012, 01:56 PM
appletonbill appletonbill is offline
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Default Re: 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on 13 inch rims

Good stuff. Next time you might have to take on a razor scooter.
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