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Old 11-05-2009, 11:48 AM
STL STL is offline

Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 23,331
Default Not Always Right: Funny and Stupid customer quotes

In That Case, I’d Like To Buy A Vowel

(A customer is doing a large cash withdrawal at our credit union.)

Me: “Would you like large bills today?”

Customer: “Yes. Can I get one thousand dollar bills?”

Me: “The largest bill the fed currently makes is a one hundred dollar bill.”

Customer: “Well, they have them on game shows on TV!”

Now Accepting Cash, Checks And Cheez-Its

(The cafe owners often bring their little one-year old girl with them, who sometimes plays with the register while standing on a crate. One day while I’m working on something else a few feet away, she’s doing this as a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I’d like to order a sandwich to go.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be there in one minute. Let me just wash my hands.”

Customer: “Yeah, but she can take my order now!” *points to the little girl*

Me: “She’s just playing. She can’t actually ring you up.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “She’s one.”

Customer: *heavy sigh*

Toddler: “Cheese?”

"The cake is a Lie"

Me: “Okay, would you like the cake to say anything?”

Customer: “Like what?”

Me: “Happy Birthday? Happy Tenth Birthday?”

Customer: “Oh! Well, if you could teach it to sing ‘Happy Birthday,’ that would be great!”

(I think the customer is joking, so I write “Happy Birthday” on the cake as usual. Later on, the customer calls in complaining that his cake didn’t sing when the candles were lit!)

Taxing Faxing

Me: “This is [office]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I was checking to see if you have received my fax.”

Me: “I am sorry, that has not been received.”

(I verify the fax number.)

Caller: “Well, I wrote on the cover letter to call me if you didn’t receive it. Why didn’t you call me?”


One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Half-Measure

(I’ve finished ringing up a customer with a cart full of booze and cigarettes.)

Me: “Your total today is $498.34.”

(The customer pulls out a check that has been taped together, having obviously been ripped in half at some point. It even has VOID written on it. He proceeds to scratch out the information on the check and write in our store name and the amount).

Me: “You know I can’t take that check, right?”

Customer: “This is my check, and you take checks for payment. You are going to take this damn check!”

(The customer gives me the check.)

Me: “I can’t approve this. Let me get my manager.”

(I go and get my manager.)

Manager: “Can I see your driver’s license, please?”

Customer: “Whatever. Here.”

Manager: “I need to make a copy of this, just a minute.”

(The name on the check and the driver’s license don’t match, so the manager returns with security.)

Manager: “If you would come with me to our office, the police will be here soon.”

Customer: “It’s my damn check! I found it in the trash!”
2005 Edge

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