have a fav joke post it and share here - Page 6

DangerRanger379 · #76 11-23-2010, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by afogle2

teacher: Can anyone use the word “definitely” in a sentence?
Student: I have a question?
Teacher: Go ahead.
Student: Are farts lumpy?
Teacher: No.
Student: Well then i definitely just shit myself.

lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pbav8tor · #77 11-30-2010, 08:31 PM

Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York. Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long; the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, and others. Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: "HOT DOGS," with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one. So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana. The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says, "What part of the dog did you get?"

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Three old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.

One of the old Grandmas yelled out saying "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are!" The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools!" One of the old Grandmas called back "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?" Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison... "We were at your birthday party yesterday!"

TurdFX4 · #78 12-07-2010, 03:45 PM

I heard a different variation of one of my favorite jokes today:

What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?

The location of the dirt bag.

richarddhoward · #79 12-07-2010, 05:48 PM

I heard this one on the Men's Room for those of you in the upper PNW around Seattle...this will probably make Marie mad...

There were 4 women sitting around, minding their own business...

Tom · #80 12-07-2010, 05:52 PM

A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What as*hole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "all of them".

Pbav8tor · #81 12-08-2010, 01:48 AM

Research for Vaseline

A man doing market research knocks on a door. He is greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

"I'm doing some research for Vaseline," he says: "Have you ever used the product?"

"Yes," she replies: "My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" he asks.

"We use it for sex," she replies.

The researcher is a little taken back. "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge," he says: "But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

"I don't mind telling you at all," the woman says: "My husband and I put it on the door knob to keep the kids out."

Demon-FX4 · #82 12-08-2010, 01:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom

A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra bucks by reluctantly having the wife work the corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made $200.50". He asks, "What as*hole gave you 50 cents?" and she replies "all of them".

hahahahahahaaha

TurdFX4 · #83 12-09-2010, 02:41 PM

Here's one but you pretty much have to be in person to tell it to someone.

Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?

and when the person says "Because she was blind"

you say: "No, because she was a woman."

MooDib · #84 12-09-2010, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TurdFX4

Here's one but you pretty much have to be in person to tell it to someone.

Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?

and when the person says "Because she was blind"

you say: "No, because she was a woman."

Lol

TurdFX4 · #85 12-09-2010, 02:46 PM

Whats the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

dcarrill · #86 12-09-2010, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pbav8tor

Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York. Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long; the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, and others. Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: "HOT DOGS," with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one. So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana. The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says, "What part of the dog did you get?"

hahahahahaha

----------

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

joker515 · #87 12-15-2010, 09:26 PM

the other night i was browsing frf and my dad walked in, he said to me, "alex, masturbation will make you go blind" (for the record, i was doing nothing of the sort) i looked at him and said, "dad IM OVER HERE"

Pbav8tor · #88 12-16-2010, 07:34 PM

Wife sent me out shopping today telling me to "Get something to make her look sexy". You should have seen her face when I turned up with 12 cold beers...

mazdab2300 · #89 12-16-2010, 07:37 PM

ive got one. they say hardwork never killed anyone. but why take the risk. lol i love it

Ranger Kid · #90 12-16-2010, 08:08 PM

Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll?

You wind it up and it walks into walls

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

I'm pretty sure you would to if you were named "urhhhgahhgaherhyhga"