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  #121  
Old 05-30-2012, 01:37 PM
HazardousRanger HazardousRanger is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

stand up comedy joke


so i started jumping on the trampoline, oline was her name
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My Truck Is My Mountain Bike's Ride!

Class III hitch, Rhino Bedliner, Almost Maxed T-Bar Crank, Tuff Country Add A Leaf, Custom Low Anchor Points, OEM ('99) Tow Hooks, Pro Comp Offroad Lights , Mustang Dome Light, Clear Corners, Slim Toolbox, Blinker Mod,Cargo Brake Light Mod,Expo Lighted Visors, Ultra Silverstar heads/fogs, Fog/high mod, Reverse/switched lights, Bike Fork Mounts
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  #122  
Old 05-30-2012, 02:47 PM
RoberticusMaximus RoberticusMaximus is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

lol

ok ok ok

what do you call a Roman with a pubic hair between his teeth?
...
(cricket sounds)
...
Gladiator!
(glad-he-ate-her)

i know i know it's a stretch...
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  #123  
Old 05-30-2012, 02:53 PM
HazardousRanger HazardousRanger is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

haha
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Ford Ranger Edge Supercab, 2004 3.0 Auto, 2WD, 4.10 Axle 31x10.5x15 BF Goodrich All Terrain T/A KO's


My Truck Is My Mountain Bike's Ride!

Class III hitch, Rhino Bedliner, Almost Maxed T-Bar Crank, Tuff Country Add A Leaf, Custom Low Anchor Points, OEM ('99) Tow Hooks, Pro Comp Offroad Lights , Mustang Dome Light, Clear Corners, Slim Toolbox, Blinker Mod,Cargo Brake Light Mod,Expo Lighted Visors, Ultra Silverstar heads/fogs, Fog/high mod, Reverse/switched lights, Bike Fork Mounts
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  #124  
Old 05-30-2012, 11:03 PM
4x4ranger99 4x4ranger99 is offline
FRF <3
 
Join Date: May 2011
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurdFX4
Naawww sorry I just write too much.. I should just write my jokes instead

A man is walking down the street one day, an he sees a sign in front of a house that says "talking dog free to good home". He is astounded and inquires with the owner about the dog. The owner points to the living room, "he's in there watching tv. Ask him anything you want." he says. The man walks over to the dog and says "do you talk?" "of course!" replied the dog. "what can you tell me about yourself?" the man asked. "well" said the dog, "I served my country for 4 years in the marine corps, sniffing out bombs for our troops, when I finished doing that I moved to the alps where I rescued skiers in the snow for several years until I retired. Now I just go down to the old folks home and read books to the residents." the man was dumbfounded. He turned to the owner and said "why on earth would you ever want to get rid of such magnificent animal?!?!" To which the owner replied "Because! He's a friggin liar! He's never done any of those things!"

)


Drinking and Driving:

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

Lol


Huge Snow Storm:

just got off the phone with Levi Raber living in Millersburg Ohio near the Cleveland line. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in....
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Rangers > Jeeps!

Last edited by 4x4ranger99; 05-30-2012 at 11:21 PM.
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  #125  
Old 07-02-2012, 03:33 PM
KCHahn KCHahn is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A couple of Nuns were driving along a deserted country back road when their car ran out of gas.
Shortly, a farmer happened by, on his way home. Seeing the Nuns, he stopped and asked if they were OK. One nun replied, our car has run out of gas. The farmer, checking his truch, says he could spare a couple gallons of gas, to get them to town. The farmer then says, I have nothing to put the gas in. Thinking, of of the nuns asks, what about a bed pan?
Farmer replies that it'll work, and siphons a couple gallons of gas. When he finishes, he wishes the nuns luck and leaves.
Just as the nuns were getting ready to pour the precious liquid into their car, a local police officer comes by. Seeing the nuns, he stops and watches for a moment, then says, I don't think it'll work, but you sure do have faith!



A passenger train is creeping along slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees the conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track." replies the conductor.

A few minutes later the train starts up, moving along slowly. Five minutes later it stops again. The woman sees the conductor walk by.

"What happened?" she yells out the window. "Did we catch up with the cow again?"


What happens if you play a country song backwards?

You get your dog back, you get your truck back, you get your house back and you get your wife back.


How do you make love, rodeo style?

Tie up a woman, then tell her your the ugliest bitch I've ever f**ked, then try to hang on for 8 seconds.
Heard this at a railroad club meeting about a good 20 years ago!
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Keith
2wd 2001 Edge, 4.0L auto.
Mods: OHC, auto dim mirror, Westin grille guard, nerf bars, Hella 500 off road lights, AVS bug shield and window vents, tonneau cover and 31/10.5/15 Falken Rocky Mountains, MB TKO 15x8 rims. Regeared to 3.73 with LSD.

Last edited by KCHahn; 07-02-2012 at 03:40 PM.
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  #126  
Old 07-02-2012, 03:35 PM
MikeLoco MikeLoco is offline
your chick likes my truck
 
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

why did the dad name his son Ulysses??? cause he broke through the trojan wall!!!!! lolololol
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Halo headlights
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  #127  
Old 07-02-2012, 03:43 PM
KCHahn KCHahn is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A son asked his Mom one day, why a woman wears white, when she gets married.
She gives him a rather long explanation. Still wondering, the boy goes and asks his
Dad why a woman wears white, and Dad replies, because all kitchen appliances come in white.
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Keith
2wd 2001 Edge, 4.0L auto.
Mods: OHC, auto dim mirror, Westin grille guard, nerf bars, Hella 500 off road lights, AVS bug shield and window vents, tonneau cover and 31/10.5/15 Falken Rocky Mountains, MB TKO 15x8 rims. Regeared to 3.73 with LSD.
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  #128  
Old 07-04-2012, 12:35 PM
sole sole is offline
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Posts: 6,279
Default

So a man walks in to a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.... I forget the rest of the joke but your mother is a whore
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  #129  
Old 07-04-2012, 12:57 PM
15BravoFX4II 15BravoFX4II is offline
pop punk on the way up
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A conversation between my girl and I about a week ago


Me: I miss you

Her: I miss you too baby!

Me: Why do you miss me?

Her:Because you are my everything,you are my heart. My smile, my love, my laugh. No one can compare to the happiness you bring me. I miss you because I love you.

Me: I miss you cause I'm doing laundry.
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5-Speed Level II

Lightly modded. Sitting in China Grove Tx waiting for me to come home and mod the shit out of her!

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  #130  
Old 07-04-2012, 02:30 PM
rangerrebel94 rangerrebel94 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A rich man and a poor man are playing golf together. the rich man hits the golf ball and missed a hole in one and says sh*t i missed. the poor man says, sir please don't cuss. God doesn't like it when people cuss. they go to another course and the rich man hits the golf ball and says again sh*t i missed. the poor man says now listen, God dose not like it when people cuss. they go to another course and the rich man hits the golf ball and says sh*t i missed. the poor man says NOW LISTEN HERE! GOD WILL PUNISH YOU IF YOU DON'T STOP YOUR CUSSING! meanwhile God sends a lighting bolt from heaven and strikes the poor man and says sh*t i missed.
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  #131  
Old 07-04-2012, 09:53 PM
Gary101386 Gary101386 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

What do you call a Gay Dinosaur?

Trana-sore-ass

What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur?

Lick-o-lotta-puss...
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'89 High Rider STX Twin Stick
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Last edited by Gary101386; 07-05-2012 at 05:50 AM.
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  #132  
Old 07-05-2012, 05:37 AM
Gary101386 Gary101386 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2004xlmiller View Post
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
This is no joke, in drivers ed class in highschool the teacher was telling us to always wear our seatbelt because most accidents happen within 5-10 minutes from your home.

a girl raised her hand and said "i would never live in such a dangerous place, and if i did i would move!"

again NO JOKE! lol
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  #133  
Old 07-05-2012, 06:11 AM
Gary101386 Gary101386 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurdFX4 View Post
What did Hitler get his niece for her birthday?

An easy bake oven
i heard another version of this...

what did the nazi son get for christmas?

an easy bake oven and a G.I.Jew
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  #134  
Old 07-05-2012, 06:27 AM
Gary101386 Gary101386 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

I heard this one from my EX Girlfriends dad... lol

a man walks in to a jewerly store with his wife to be to pick out her engagugment ring, he says to the jewerler, "I am here for you finest ring."
Jewerl replies "ok in this case we have rings for $2,000, and in this case we have rings for $5,000"
The man replies "no you dont understand, show me your finest ring!"
the jeweler says "i see, give me a second we have that one locked up in the safe in the back."

The jewler returns with a single ring, and show it to the couple, and says "this ring is $44,000" The man looks over at his gleeming fiance and says to the jeweler "just look at her face! that is the ring we will take!"

The man pulls out his check book and starts to write a check. The jeweler says "i am sorry sir, but we cannt accept a check for and amount this large!"

The man replies "i see, well how bout i leave the ring with you and when the check clears on Monday ill come get the ring." The jeweler thinks for a moment and say "OK, that will work just fine.

The jeweler calls the man monday morning an say to him "Sir, i regret to imform you, but your check did not clear."

The man relies....

"oh i knew it wouldnt, but LET ME TELL YOU about MY weekend!"

again, this was a joke i heard from my ex girlfriends dad, which is a joke in it self if you think about the contex!
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  #135  
Old 07-05-2012, 06:23 PM
2004xlmiller 2004xlmiller is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gary101386 View Post
I heard this one from my EX Girlfriends dad... lol

a man walks in to a jewerly store with his wife to be to pick out her engagugment ring, he says to the jewerler, "I am here for you finest ring."
Jewerl replies "ok in this case we have rings for $2,000, and in this case we have rings for $5,000"
The man replies "no you dont understand, show me your finest ring!"
the jeweler says "i see, give me a second we have that one locked up in the safe in the back."

The jewler returns with a single ring, and show it to the couple, and says "this ring is $44,000" The man looks over at his gleeming fiance and says to the jeweler "just look at her face! that is the ring we will take!"

The man pulls out his check book and starts to write a check. The jeweler says "i am sorry sir, but we cannt accept a check for and amount this large!"

The man replies "i see, well how bout i leave the ring with you and when the check clears on Monday ill come get the ring." The jeweler thinks for a moment and say "OK, that will work just fine.

The jeweler calls the man monday morning an say to him "Sir, i regret to imform you, but your check did not clear."

The man relies....

"oh i knew it wouldnt, but LET ME TELL YOU about MY weekend!"

again, this was a joke i heard from my ex girlfriends dad, which is a joke in it self if you think about the contex!
bahahahhaha
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