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  #106  
Old 05-03-2011, 12:50 PM
GhostRanger GhostRanger is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A young boy goes into the garage to ask his dad a question.

"Dad what is the diference between potentially and realistically?"

The dad not haveing a really good explaination but knowing his son is rather smart replies: "Well, go ask your sister, mother, and brother if they would have sex with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, then think about there answers and come back to me."

So the boy goes off and asks his siter if she would have sex with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, She replies: "Of course I would he is only that hottest guy on earth."

He then asks his Mom if she would do it: She says: "Well yes I would not only would it be fun but we could really use the money."

The boy then asks his brother, who says: "Hell yeah I would do you know what I could buy with a million dollars?"

The boy then ponders their answers for a while and then returns to his dad.

The dad asks the boy what he learned.

The boy replies:

"Well potentially we are sitting on three million dollars."

"Realistically we are living with two sluts and a queer."
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The older I get the more I realize it is worthless to worry about tomorrow when you are living today. Love your family and friends, live like there is no tomorrow.
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  #107  
Old 05-03-2011, 07:41 PM
2004xlmiller 2004xlmiller is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

rotfl
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  #108  
Old 05-03-2011, 08:49 PM
Christianguy Christianguy is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A guy walks into a bar and orders a "BIN LADEN"
bartender says
"sorry I dont know that drink"
man says
"two shots and a splash of water"
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  #109  
Old 03-20-2012, 11:59 PM
Hickfromhell88 Hickfromhell88 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Had to bring this AMAZING joke thread back to life, y'all need to add to it!
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LOL that sucks! "Jeremy Hall" sounds to me like it belongs on the side of a long trailer with a race car inside. "JEREMY HALL RACING"
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  #110  
Old 03-21-2012, 02:23 AM
TurdFX4 TurdFX4 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

What did Hitler get his niece for her birthday?

An easy bake oven
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  #111  
Old 03-21-2012, 09:35 AM
08Ranger Sport 4x4 08Ranger Sport 4x4 is offline
"Eh, it'll buff out"
 
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Bad pick-up line:

Man at a bar walks up to a beautiful woman and says "You know, you remind me of my big toe"
The woman looks back at him in disgust. "Feet are gross"
He says "It's not like that, you remind me of my big toe because I want to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house"

A husband and wife are sitting in bed having a nice conversation and the man asks the wife to tell him something that will make it happy but mad at the same time. She sits there in silence for a few minutes and the husband finally say "Well what is it?"
She looks down and then says "well, you have a bigger dick than your brother"
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  #112  
Old 03-21-2012, 07:34 PM
TurdFX4 TurdFX4 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Whats the most positive thing in Harlem?


HIV
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  #113  
Old 03-21-2012, 09:23 PM
Demon-FX4 Demon-FX4 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

You know what they say, Once you go black, your Baby's on crack.

----------

Whats the deffinition of the word confusion.......fathers day in harlem
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  #114  
Old 03-25-2012, 10:44 PM
dontaylor dontaylor is offline
2011 4.0 sport xcab 4x4
 
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Default

why dont blacks and mexicans breed with each other?
they are afraid they will have babies to lazy to steal.
im not in any way racist just thought it was funny.
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  #115  
Old 04-30-2012, 07:50 PM
JJcrago05 JJcrago05 is offline
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Default

So a man walk into a bar and goes straight up to the prettiest woman he sees and he tells her, " ma'am, you remind me of my little toe!"

She exclaimed back," i do!? Is it because I'm so small and cute?!"

He replied," nope! I have a feeling I'll be banging you on my coffee table later!!"
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  #116  
Old 05-03-2012, 01:25 PM
MikeC. MikeC. is offline
In Rangerland...
 
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Posts: 32
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Sarkozy paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Sarkozy asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Sarkozy sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the ****pit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Sarkozy. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.
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  #117  
Old 05-03-2012, 01:40 PM
GhostRanger GhostRanger is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

^^^^^ LMFAO

----------

Why do women drive such small cars?

Cause it is a short drive from the stove to the fridge.
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Future mods: CB Radio, Dual band Ham Radio

The older I get the more I realize it is worthless to worry about tomorrow when you are living today. Love your family and friends, live like there is no tomorrow.
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  #118  
Old 05-29-2012, 11:43 PM
zack93ranger zack93ranger is offline
THE POWER RANGER!!!
 
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A blind man goes into the store with his seeing eye dog. Once inside the man takes the dog and starts to swing him round and round over his head. The store manager sees the poor dog going round and round. The manager rushes over to the blind man and asks him if he needs any help. The blind man responds, “No! ….. We are just looking around.”
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  #119  
Old 05-30-2012, 12:13 PM
4x4ranger99 4x4ranger99 is offline
FRF <3
 
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by azgilamonster
ford jokes and sayings:
" FORD JOKES

WHY ARE THERE SIDEWALKS BESIDE MOST STREETS AND HIWAYS?

So Ford owners have a safe place to walk home.

WHY DID FORD PUT HEATERS IN THE TAILGATES OF THEIR NEW TRUCKS?

To keep their hands warm when they are pushing the truck into the shop.

HOW IS A GOLF BALL DIFFERENT FROM A FORD?

You can drive a golf ball 200 yards!

FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS DRIVE A FORD

FORD ACRONYMS:

Backwards... Driver Returns On Foot

Factory Ordered Road Disaster

Factory Ordered Rebuilt Dodge(Datsun)

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found On Road Dead

Flip Over Read Directions

Four Old Rusted Doors

Fixed On Race Day

Ford Owner Really Dumb

For Only Retarded Drivers

Fabrication Ordinaire Reparation Dispendieuse - French for ordinary fabrication expensive repairs.

Ford Owners Recommend Dodge

Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy

Found On Russian Dump

For Off Road Death

it Freaking Only Runs Downhill

Fat Old Rusted Dog

Freaking Old Rusted Dodge(Datsun)

Frigin Oakies Really Dig it

Funky Old Road Dog

Backwards...Don't Ride Over Fifty

Found on Road Ditches

PINTO ACRONYMS:

Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

LINE FROM A SONG SUNG BY A FAMOUS COUNTRY SINGER

"I wanta buy me a Ford truck and push it up and down the road."

This is Chevy country and on a quiet night you can hear a Ford rust...

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. If it wasn't for our Fords, our tools would rust.

This is your brain "CHEVY", this is your brain on drugs "FORD"

Buy a Ford and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the rest.

Have you driven over a Ford lately?

Ford trucks the worst always rest

I could never keep a Ford under me, I was always under the Ford.

Do you know that Ford has admitted they are expensive and unreliable? That new commercial they are running says so! When that country singer says "If I had me some money" he admits he can't afford one, and when he adds that he'd "buy a Ford truck or two" it because he needs a spare.

Next time some Fordnatic claims Ford means "First on race day" remind them that anything could be fast if a team of mechanics worked on it all week so it would last long enoug to run a race before needing another weeks work.

WHY ARE THE NEW FORD TRUCKS AND CARS MORE AERODYNAMIC?

So they will save the Chevy gas when the Chevy tows them away.

WHAT SHOULD THE FORD MUSTANG REALLY BE CALLED?

The Ford Rustang, The Ford Muststink

WHY IS THIS COUNTRY SO FAR IN DEBT?

Because the President drives a Ford

WHAT DID THE CHEVY SAY TO THE FORD?

Would you like a tow home?

HOW CAN THEY APPROVE THE NEW FORD TRUCK OR CAR?

Put a Chevy engine in it.

HOW MUCH WOOD CAN A FORD TRUCK HAUL IF A FORD TRUCK COULD HAUL WOOD?

As much as the Chevrolet tow truck in front of it.

WHAT SHOULD A FORD THUNDERBIRD REALLY BE CALLED?

A ford thunderturd

SPEED KILLS DRIVE A FORD LIVE FOR EVER

I'd rather push a Chevy than drive a Ford!

HOW DO YOU DOUBLE THE VALUE OF A PINTO?

Fill it with gas!

The Ford Escort. Otherwise known as The Ford Escort Me To A Chevy Dealer!

Have You Out Driven a Ford Lately?

Ford is just another four letter word!

The Ford Ranger, Otherwise know as the Ford Danger!

The Ford Explorer, Otherwise know as the Ford Exploder! "
This is ridiculous... Some Chevy owner with a small d*** took a long time to write a bunch of crap... So what?

My ford and my dads fords have been the best trucks we've owned and the Chevys he had were like cheap plastic toys. He babies his trucks too. His first one with 68k miles blew a tranny hauling a motorcycle... Comfortable yes, reliable... Yeah right!
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Rangers > Jeeps!
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  #120  
Old 05-30-2012, 01:32 PM
TurdFX4 TurdFX4 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4x4ranger99 View Post
This is ridiculous... Some Chevy owner with a small d*** took a long time to write a bunch of crap... So what?

My ford and my dads fords have been the best trucks we've owned and the Chevys he had were like cheap plastic toys. He babies his trucks too. His first one with 68k miles blew a tranny hauling a motorcycle... Comfortable yes, reliable... Yeah right!
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