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  #91  
Old 12-16-2010, 08:12 PM
mazdab2300 mazdab2300 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

lol wow i love that obama one lol.
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  #92  
Old 12-16-2010, 08:33 PM
littleblue littleblue is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Merry Christmas...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree...
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  #93  
Old 12-16-2010, 08:39 PM
mazdab2300 mazdab2300 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

omg lol
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american racing directionals on 30/9.5/15s

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  #94  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:25 PM
TurdFX4 TurdFX4 is offline
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Posts: 1,771
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Why is there no gambling in Africa?




Because there's too many Cheetah's!
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  #95  
Old 12-20-2010, 05:35 PM
littleblue littleblue is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

How to start a fight:

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
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  #96  
Old 12-21-2010, 11:27 PM
2004xlmiller 2004xlmiller is offline
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Posts: 12,689
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by littleblue View Post
How to start a fight:

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
what?
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  #97  
Old 12-24-2010, 12:56 AM
FX4OR FX4OR is offline
Ford Tough
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 417
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

I guess one could argue that this isn't a joke, but I love it.
--
At a French airport...
A group of American retirees went to France on a tour. An elderly Gentleman, was part of the tour group.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his Passport in his carryon.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The elderly Gentleman admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible!" barked the French officer. "Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France."

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."
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  #98  
Old 12-24-2010, 12:59 AM
Bwad Bwad is offline
Turd Generation Ranger
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 2,972
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2004xlmiller View Post
what?
The guy's wife thought he left, and when he came back in, she thought it was another man coming into bed (whom she's having an affair with I assume).
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  #99  
Old 12-24-2010, 10:25 AM
2004xlmiller 2004xlmiller is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 12,689
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bwad View Post
The guy's wife thought he left, and when he came back in, she thought it was another man coming into bed (whom she's having an affair with I assume).
oh! i totally got it now. haha.
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  #100  
Old 12-24-2010, 11:33 PM
FlyinRyan FlyinRyan is offline
Ranger Driver
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 140
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by littleblue View Post
Merry Christmas...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree...
HOLY SHIZ!!!!! That is hilarious.

----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by FX4OR View Post
I guess one could argue that this isn't a joke, but I love it.
--
At a French airport...
A group of American retirees went to France on a tour. An elderly Gentleman, was part of the tour group.
At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his Passport in his carryon.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.
The elderly Gentleman admitted that he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible!" barked the French officer. "Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France."

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."

That's great!!! The French tend to run away when a war erupts....

------------------------------------------------------

Why couldn't the French go to war?




Their white flag factory broke down.
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  #101  
Old 01-12-2011, 07:15 PM
TurdFX4 TurdFX4 is offline
Sept. 2011 TOTM
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1,771
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Daughter:Hey Mom im going to my room with my boyfirend.

Mom:Ok don't do anything stupid !

.*Gf and Bf go into room *.

Daughter screams:Baby Baby Baby oooh!

.*Mom runs into daughters room*.

Mom:What are you doing ?!?!?!?!?!?

Daughter:Mom were having sex. GET OUT !

Mom:Oh Thank God i thought you were listenin to Justin Bieber
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  #102  
Old 01-12-2011, 07:33 PM
DiabloBlanco DiabloBlanco is offline
Get Lifted.
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,402
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Three rats are sitting at a bar bragging about how tough they are. The first rat says “Guys, I’m the toughest and fastest, I can grab the cheese off the trap withought it closing on me!”. The second rat says “Guys, I’m the toughest. I eat D-CON rat poisin for breakfast”. The third rat quietly gets up and starts to leave the bar. The first two ask him where he’s going, to which he replies, “I have no time for this, I’m going home to fuck the cat”.
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  #103  
Old 04-06-2011, 11:54 PM
dcarrill dcarrill is offline
Ford Motor Company
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 141
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for God to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like God and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"
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  #104  
Old 04-07-2011, 12:19 AM
richarddhoward richarddhoward is offline
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Posts: 5,010
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by dcarrill View Post
One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for God to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like God and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

he really rode the bus on that one!
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  #105  
Old 04-07-2011, 06:49 AM
pooleo pooleo is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 6,764
Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

why was the chef arrested.....?


He was caught beating his meat!
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