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  #136  
Old 07-06-2012, 12:22 PM
Gary101386 Gary101386 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

heard this one today...

What’s the difference between a lady and a refrigerator?


When you pull your meat out of a refrigerator, the refrigerator doesn’t fart...
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  #137  
Old 07-09-2012, 04:07 PM
RangerKid22 RangerKid22 is offline
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At first ill kiss you on your lips....then ill move up to your belly button!
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  #138  
Old 07-10-2012, 11:58 AM
MikeLoco MikeLoco is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clinton View Post
I got one demon... KNOCK...KNOCK..
it's open haha


good way to ruin a knock knock joke, btw



Q : Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A : They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.



Three men are captured by cannibals.

The cannibal leader says that if the men can go into the jungle and find 10 of the same fruit they would be freed.

So they go into the jungle. The first man comes out and was told by the leader that if he could shove all his fruits (apples) up his butt without wincing or making faces they would be freed. So the man shoves the first one up and then a second one accept he winced so they killed him.

The second man comes in with berries. He's all the way to 8 when he bursts out laughing and is killed.

In heaven the first man asks the second man "why did you burst out laughing you could of made it?"

The second man replies "I couldn't help it I saw the third guy come into the clearing with pineapples.
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Last edited by MikeLoco; 07-10-2012 at 12:00 PM.
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  #139  
Old 07-16-2012, 11:55 PM
KCHahn KCHahn is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A fella was driving down the road, going a bit too fast.
A cop pulled up behind him and turned on his lights. The driver decided to floor it!
Then, figured he'd better stop, since it could he an emergency. So, he slows down and pulls over.
The cop comes very to the driver, and says "I've had a bad day. IF you can give me one good
reason for not giving you a ticket, I'll let you go".
The driver looked at the cop and said "Last week, my wife ran off with a cop, and I thought you
were trying to bring her back". Cop looks at driver and says "Have a good day".
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  #140  
Old 07-17-2012, 12:59 AM
Ranger-Racer Ranger-Racer is offline
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Two hookers are standing on the corner getting ready to smoke. One goes to pull a cigarette out of a condom. The other hooker inquires "why do u keep ur cigarettes in a condom?" To which she gets the reply "keeps 'em dry." The hooker thinks this is a brilliant idea and goes to the nearest drug store. She walks up to the counter and asks for a condom. When the pharmacist asks her what size of condom she would like she tells him "I don't care just big enough to fit a camel!"
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  #141  
Old 07-17-2012, 01:34 AM
Rango88 Rango88 is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4x4ranger99 View Post
Naawww sorry I just write too much.. I should just write my jokes instead

A man is walking down the street one day, an he sees a sign in front of a house that says "talking dog free to good home". He is astounded and inquires with the owner about the dog. The owner points to the living room, "he's in there watching tv. Ask him anything you want." he says. The man walks over to the dog and says "do you talk?" "of course!" replied the dog. "what can you tell me about yourself?" the man asked. "well" said the dog, "I served my country for 4 years in the marine corps, sniffing out bombs for our troops, when I finished doing that I moved to the alps where I rescued skiers in the snow for several years until I retired. Now I just go down to the old folks home and read books to the residents." the man was dumbfounded. He turned to the owner and said "why on earth would you ever want to get rid of such magnificent animal?!?!" To which the owner replied "Because! He's a friggin liar! He's never done any of those things!"

)


Drinking and Driving:

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

Lol


Huge Snow Storm:

just got off the phone with Levi Raber living in Millersburg Ohio near the Cleveland line. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in....
Not to kill the mood, but I am sure that most us have lost someone or known someone that dies due to drunk driving. I dont see whats so funny about it.
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  #142  
Old 07-17-2012, 12:56 PM
2004xlmiller 2004xlmiller is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

why drink if ya aint goin to drive? thats half the fun of bein plowed. seein all those headlights comin at ya tryna figure out which twos the real ones!!! hahaha

but really.. designate a driver.
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  #143  
Old 07-17-2012, 01:54 PM
bigford25 bigford25 is offline
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What do Chevys and tampons have in common.....every pussy has one!
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  #144  
Old 07-17-2012, 02:50 PM
Ranger-Racer Ranger-Racer is offline
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
Nothing he won't come anyways.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Lol I've always loved those two, even though I am a total dog person haha
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  #145  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:13 AM
RoberticusMaximus RoberticusMaximus is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

A dude with a small pecker strips down for a sexy time with a hot chick.

She says, "Who do you think you're gonna please with that little thing?!?!"

He replies, "ME Bitch, ME!!!"
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  #146  
Old 07-18-2012, 07:32 AM
Mikey_K Mikey_K is offline
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I saw a quote on the Internet that read:

"Dear mom,
If all my friends jumped off a bridge, it is because it was my idea.

Sincerely,
Your son is a leader, not a follower."

I thought that was kind of funny.
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  #147  
Old 07-18-2012, 01:46 PM
sgtsandman sgtsandman is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Only funny because it didn't happen to me!

The caption to the picture reads:
our wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing....
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night....You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....You circle the car looking for dents and find none.... But .... Wait a minute....

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  #148  
Old 07-18-2012, 01:53 PM
mazdaman mazdaman is offline
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Default Re: have a fav joke post it and share here

Speaking of dog jokes
How do you make a dog meow like a cat ?
You put him in the freezer until he is frozen then run him thru a band saw , meow

how do you make a cat bark ? douse him in gas and throw a match , Woof
By the way I love animals . these are much better when told rather than written
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  #149  
Old 07-26-2012, 09:58 AM
mischeviousme mischeviousme is offline
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Little Johnny in math class. Teacher says, "3 birds in a wire, hunter shoots one bird. How many are left?" Johnny says "none" teacher repeats this twice and each time little Johnny says non. Teacher asks Johnny how he got to that answer, Johnny said,"if he shoots one bird that all fly away." the teacher says,"technically not correct but I like the way you think."

Little Johnny asks the teacher,"3 women are sitting on a bench eating a lollipop. One is biting it, one licking it the other sucking it, which ones married?"

Teacher answers "the one that's sucking the lollipop" Johnny says "no the one wearing a wedding ring-but I like the way you think."
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  #150  
Old 07-29-2012, 01:13 PM
Mikey_K Mikey_K is offline
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Wanna hear a clean joke?
Johnny was taking a bath with bubbles.


Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles was a man.
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