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Old 03-19-2015, 11:18 PM
Jaybones Jaybones is offline
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Default The drunken Highland Campbell

So this Scot from the Highland Campbells come down out of the Highlands for a wedding. At the nuptials and after he drinks more than his share of whisky at the tavern. He leaves and is walking back to the Highlands, when he tires and decides to sit and rest against a tree in this bonny glen.

He falls asleep, given his heroic intake of whisky before.

In the morning two schoolgirls walking to school come by and see him.

The first lass says "Aye, looks like a Campbell had a wee bit too much and is sleepin' toff."

The other says "Do you think its true that all Campbells are well endowed?"

"I've heard that. Now's our chance to find out."

"I dinna know. Do you tink we should?"

"Aye, when're we goan git nother chance?"

"What if he wakes up? I dinna wan get in trouble!"

So the first girl pokes him in the cheek with her finger, and he doesn't stir. She pinches his nose shut and he starts breathing out of his mouth, but other than that nothing. She even shakes him and he doesn't wake.

"He's out. Les do it!" And proceeds to lift his kilt.

Being young girls they haven't really seen a man's member before and they're impressed. The bold one even reaches out and grabs it in her hand. It starts to get erect with her stimulation, and she starts rubbing it.

The other girl, the shy one, is shocked.

"What does it feel like Mary?"

Mary says "Well, you kin find out fer yerself!" And grabs her friends hand and bring it to the Campbell erection. Starts moving it up and down.

Suddenly the Campbell groans and starts shooting his seed out of the tip. The shy one jerks her hand back and is about to run away, but the bold one is still rubbing him.

"What was that Mary? What happened to make it spit? Was he peeing?"

Mary says "Oh, I doan tink he peed. It dinna look like pee, or smell like it. I tink dis be his seed."

"Seed?"

"Well, girl doan ya know nuttin? Dis be his seed, it go inside ya and make a baby."

"Are you goan have a wee bairn now? Ya got it on your hand."

"Oh no. I tink is gotta go up inside you, to your womb. Sides, I ain't started my curse yet, and me mum said ya gots ta get yer curse 'fore you kin have a bairn."

So, she wipes her hand on the Campbell's kilt. They're standing there looking down on him, and the second lass says

"You know, I kinda fell bad 'bout what we did. We took advantage of the poor man."

Mary says "You's right dere. We should give him sumthin for it." And she takes the blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it around the Campbell's member.

They pull his kilt back down and walk away.

A few hours later the Campbell wakes up feeling pretty bad. His head hurts and his back is kinked from sleeping sitting against a tree all night.

He wakes up, stands and walks behind the to take a leek. He looks down and sees the ribbon, and says

"Well laddie, I din know where ya bin. But I see ya won first prize."
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  #2  
Old 03-20-2015, 12:02 AM
stateranger stateranger is offline
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Default Re: The drunken Highland Campbell

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HELL TO THE NO!! Abort abort abort!! That's the first thing to go!!! Ewwwww! I'm not no vampire! I don't enjoy red tea
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Old 03-20-2015, 03:24 PM
GLH GLH is offline
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Dude, you aren't very good at making up jokes. Sorry.
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Old 03-20-2015, 03:33 PM
Fordzilla80 Fordzilla80 is offline
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Default Re: The drunken Highland Campbell

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Old 03-20-2015, 04:12 PM
ZacktheBlackRanger ZacktheBlackRanger is offline
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This is the better version anyway.

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Old 04-19-2015, 12:52 PM
bumstead27 bumstead27 is offline
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Default Re: The drunken Highland Campbell

Sorta like the old man on the beach:

There's an old man trying to take a nap on a nude beach when a little girl walks up to him and asks him what that thing is between his legs is. He tells her that it is a bird. She then wants to know what the scraggly stuff around it is so he tells her that it is the birds nest and that it is sitting on it's eggs. Satisfied the girl leaves him alone and he goes to sleep. When he wakes up he's in unbelievable pain and a paramedic is standing over top of him. He asks what happened and the medic says he should ask the little girl; she says after you went to sleep I wanted to play with the little birdie, I kept tugging and tugging but he wouldn't come with me, then the birdie spit all over me so I got mad and burnt it's nest and broke it's eggs.
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Old 04-19-2015, 01:53 PM
johnday johnday is offline
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Default Re: The drunken Highland Campbell

I'm just thankful it was a Campbell clan guy, us Craigs are usually smarter than that. If you're a Scot, you'll know what I mean!!!
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Old 04-19-2015, 07:52 PM
GLH GLH is offline
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Scot here. A county in Texas is named after my family.
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