Today I finally submitted an application to become a chimney sweep.

What did you say?

Of course I was nervous! Though my heart was pounding against my chest like the pendulous guts of two obese nymphomaniacs, I marched into that office with a sense of purpose unlike anything I've felt before.

The secretary looked at me like I was a madman. I couldn't blame her. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a polished plaque hanging on the wall. My eyes were aflame and my teeth were gnashing on my already-bloody arm. I knew I had come to the right place -- the plaque proudly boasted that Charlie's Chimney Sweep, Inc. had won the nation's top honor in chimney sweeping 3-1/2 years straight.

I said to the secretary, I said, "Hey, bitch! You know who I am?"

That's exactly what I said.

She smiled, "No." But too late. I noticed the tiny beads of sweat breaking out on her upper lip.

Anyway, I filled out the application. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

__________________
2003 Ford Ranger FX4, 4.0 SOHC; stock for now, modifications in the near future